(Click on play and then hit pause to let it load while you read)
I got the call from Elise on Tuesday, September 22 around 5:30pm. It was time… and I needed to hurry home. We packed up, said goodby to the kids and pulled away at 6:20pm. We were heading to a new hospital for our fourth birth. Not the hospital that’s around the corner. The hospital that’s about 20 minutes… without traffic. Of course the baby was ready to come out now, and not later. Well, we hit traffic… not just a little…but pretty much all of it. We were at a DEAD stop. I proceeded to weave my way toward the side of the freeway while dialing 911…
Operator: “911. what’s your emergency?”
Me: “Yes, my wife’s going into labor. We are stuck in traffic and we need another way to get to the hospital.”
Operator: “You can pull over to the side of the freeway, Sir, and I will have an ambulance come and assist you.”
Elise: “I’m not GOING into labor…I’m IN labor!!! AND I’M NOT HAVING THIS BABY IN AN AMBULANCE!!!!! Get off this freeway…the baby’s coming out!!! OOOOUUUUCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”
I hung up on 911 and got off the freeway. With flashers on and horn blaring I felt like we were in a movie. Between lights I went about 200 mph. When we came to a red light…EVERY light was a red light… I would come to a screaching halt. The cars we flew past, doing the 200, would then catch up to us and I would shake my fist at the air. Anyway, we finally made it. We were there…everything was going to be fine. We got out of the car… it was smoking. The valet says, “what’s wrong with your car?” I scream, “WHEELCHAIR!”. He trotts off. I gather our things. I come around to the passenger side to get Elise out. I find her buckled over, squeezing her legs together and screaming. The wheelchair-valet-guy casually strolls out the hospital entrance and heads in our direction. Once again I scream, “HUSTLE!!!”. I look at Elise who is fighting a losing battle with a baby that’s ready to come out, and she says, “Don’t be a jerk, John.” She’s so polite…
Ok, so we make it into the hospital, where the kid pushing the wheelchair proceeds to stop and ask for directions. Elise screams, “DO NOT STOP!” We get into the elevator. We get to our floor. Elise says, “Oh no, my water is going to break! Ding! The elevator door opens… Skablush! Nonchalant-Wheelchair-Valet-Guy has officially had his world turned upside down. We rush out and run full speed down the hall… in the wrong direction. “WE’RE HAVING A BABY!” I scream, to which the nurse screams back, “YOU’RE GOING THE WRONG WAY!” Utterly-in-Shock-Nonchalant-Wheelchair-Valet-Guy makes a 3 point turn and races in the right direction. Again I scream, “WE’RE HAVING A BABY!”, to which Elise screams, “SOMEBODY HELP ME…THE BABY’S HEAD IS OUT”, to which I begin to laugh… I wasn’t sure what else to do. Valet guy, who at this point is unsure as to whether or not he has peed himself, slowly backs away and flees.
Shift Change: By shift change, I don’t mean that I am going to now take the story in a different direction, but that it was actually shift change for the nurses on the labor/delivery wing, which means there were double the nurses on the floor. All of them came running at us, and I am pretty sure a few climbed out of the T-bar ceiling from the third floor. All of them, and I mean the 20 or so that were there, participated in some way in the delivery of our daughter right there in the hallway. I have never seen so many navy-blue clad nurses before in my life. I stood with Elise and tried to keep her calm. At this point Elise had passed out about 12 times and couldn’t stay conscious for longer then a few seconds. However, the herd of nurses assured me that both Mom and baby where fine. At some point I got lost in the stampede and found my daughter in one room and followed her and the trail (do i really need to explain) down the hall, make a right, then a left and into a room, to find that Elise had passed out again.
Ok so the rest is history! What an adventure! Never a dull moment in this house. Well, enjoy this little video Elise and I put together and thanks for coming by to check it out. Oh and if you are scared at this point to actually watch the little movie, don’t be. During all of this my camera was hiding and way to scared to come out. Later
